Monday, January 13, 2014

He speaks through Gandalf...again

*Disclaimer- the following is a bit disjointed. Words are hard right now. But I didn't want to forget.
Yesterday was Sunday.
I don't like to cook dinner on Sunday. I'm usually extra tired on Sunday and I really want a day of rest.
But, I do not plan ahead so leftovers or a crockpot meal can be eaten. 
I seem to hope that dinner will magically appear on the table.
I have had a particularly hard two weeks. The involuntary movement was back. This made the nerve pain I now have worse. Speaking is difficult. Walking effortful.
It was getting close to dinner time. I did not want to cook dinner.
Budget constraints made getting something to-go not advisable.
I hated feeling like I "had" to make dinner.
I was very grumbling in my spirit.
But, soon I found myself making dinner while internally arguing with the Lord about not wanting to.
"Yes, I want to obey you."
Make dinner.
"I don't want to make dinner! I have no idea what to make."
Are you willing to try?
"Well, yes, but have no idea what to make and I'm tired and..." blah, blah, blah
The next thing I know there is a really tasty dinner in front of our family.
"Lord, why do I complain about the silliest things? Why can't just just be more like my husband and simply do the next right thing without grumbling and complaining?"
I ate on the couch while we watched The Hobbit.
In my heart, I confessed the grumbling and I thanked the Lord for giving me the strength, energy, and ingredients to make dinner.
If the Lord ever asked me to do something "great," "grand," you know, BIG, I would do it without hesitation.

But the everyday tasks as a wife and mother can be overwhelming. 
Dishes, laundry, cooking, repeat.
It was then I realized the real problem.

My brain is so full of what happens when our nest is empty.
What will I do?
This is always my concern.
Doing.
It's been more at the front of my mind than the back lately.
Abby is 17, a Junior, attending community college.
Charlotte 15 and now a permitted driver soon to be licensed.
Elijah is months away from being a teenager.
What happened?!

How did we get here so fast??!!
After my confession, I prayed the Lord would help me to bless my family with joy and consistency especially while I have them here at home.
My rebellion against dinner cooking wouldn't slow down time and keep them home longer. 
Is what I am doing ENOUGH??!!
The Lord is enough.
"But, Lord, am I really doing what You want me to? Or have I missed it?"

And then this scene from the movie is suddenly before me.
It is a scene not in the book.
Gandalf is speaking with Lady Galadriel after being asked why (Gandalf is bringing) the half-ling (Bilbo):

 "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check. 

But that is not what I have found. 

I have found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. 

Simple acts of kindness and love."

He reassured me yet again that He has performed the Great Deed and all He asks of me is to simply trust and obey... especially in the small things, for they matter greatly.


1 John 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and His love is perfected in us.

It is in the faithful small deeds that accumulate to great character. No one time "Great" deed can make up for a lifetime of slackness. In every faithful little deed, I am revealing over and over again, Christ in me. In every prayer, in every humbling service, in every gracious word where His will and Spirit reign over my fighting carnal nature that He is glorified as I am being sanctified.

Only the blood of Jesus makes me acceptable to God. But it is the daily blood-letting of this carnal nature that I painfully decrease so that by His life-giving blood "transfused" in me, He may increase. Daily dying leading to daily living of a powerful, resurrected life.

I Thess 1:3 "As we pray to our God and Father about you, we think of your faithful work, your loving deeds, and the enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ."

The rest of the night passed uneventful. Kitchen cleaned, house tidied. Ready for another day.

Just before bed, I was reading in Genesis and savored the imagery of Christ in Isaac as Abraham's servant went to find a bride for the son. I was suddenly curious about the name of the well Isaac sat by.

"And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country."

Beer-lahai-roi = "well of the Living One seeing me"

The Living One that sees me. He sees me. In that moment. I had great joy and much peace. I am His "poeme," His workmanship. He WILL finish the work He started. He sees me and if anything needs to change, He, Himself, will see to it.

Phil 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a goodwork in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

3 comments:

T.D. said...

Awwww! I love you mommy!

Mary Lou said...

Thank you for being so honest with your thoughts! I so need it today!

Vicki said...

I think of that empty nest too! And Im a horrible "no rest for the wicked" complainer on Sundays!! Hugs. Im praying for you.

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